I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so let's talk penis.
Girls should come with a carfax report
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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