hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
