She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
