My nipple is on Facebook.
Quick, to the slutcave!
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
