Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
