i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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