i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
