im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
