You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
