Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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