My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
