her vagine was all disorganized.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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