Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
