I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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