No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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