Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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