You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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