Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
