I hope mine doesn't look like that
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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