Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
