The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
