I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
