Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
