My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
