the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
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