I'm pants shitting drunk right now
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
