The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
