the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
