You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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