eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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