I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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