I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
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She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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