So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
