its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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