So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
