I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
splinters make it hard to masturbate
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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