i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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