our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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