Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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