oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
