So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
