Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
