I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
