Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
