i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
