Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
