it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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