We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
