Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
