let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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