You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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