You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
farters have to be the big spoon...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.