Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
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My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
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I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.