this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
