I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.