I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you would pick up someone in the library
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
