She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think your dad took our porno
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
