people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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