perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
