Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
home. puking in laundry basket.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
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