the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
