so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
