you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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