Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
