That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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