So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
tonight lets celebrate not being married
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
