smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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